Daddy diaries

Anakin’s happiest moment and the joy of fatherhood

padme-anakin-pregnant

“Something wonderful has happened. Ani, I’m pregnant”

By his own admission, the happiest day of Anakin’s life is finding out that Padmé is pregnant with his first child. Imagine his elation had he known she was carrying twins. In a life punctuated by pain, loss and longing, a moment of pure and perfect happiness is a revelation for the young Jedi. A minor miracle, yet one still shrouded in secrecy and kept in shadows.

Had Anakin remained in the light and stood beside Padmé as she brought their babies into the world, he would have added another perfect moment of happiness to his memory. I remember when Elisabeth and I found out we were going to have a baby. Far from the fairy-tale framing of Revenge of the Sith, it was more a mix of gut feeling and inconclusive pregnancy tests.

I was filled with that blend of excitement and anxiety reserved or just this occasion. I was going to be a father to some yet unnamed, unformed person. That joy was minuscule compared to having little Lorelei in our lives. For me, the day of the birth was one of extremes (I’m sure Elisabeth would say the same). Mired by migraine, I only felt half present and selfish in my pain. But it was also one of the most memorable, transcendental moments of my life.

The clichés of having a child are no lie. To quote Han Solo in The Force Awakens, “It’s true, all of it”. Already I feel different, better maybe, and filled with depths of love I never knew existed. I look down at my daughter in my arms, a swell of pride behind my chest, often tears in my eyes, and I feel blessed. What did I do to deserve her?

Had Anakin seen his children born, I know it would likewise be the single defining moment of his life. But it wasn’t meant to be. At least until Luke’s love pulled him out of shadow and into the light.

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